Tag Archives: Marriage

On the Street Where You Live…Part 5

1 Sep


We left Texas behind us, visited in Albuquerque, then stopped in Colorado for the wedding of Fred’s youngest sister, on our way to San Jose.

1966 – Colorado Mountains

Fred’s sister and her to-be-husband

Since San Jose State College (now University) was a “city” college – located within the city itself, there was very little parking.

Credit Google Search and San Jose State University website

 Consequently, we rented an apartment near the campus.  We could just park the car in our space at the apartment complex, and Fred could walk to class, without having the hassle or time trying to find that unavailable parking spot.  Frequently, I would walk to the public library – gave me good exercise, and an excuse to sit and read.

This little apartment – again, furnished – had a small living room, a very small kitchen with an eat-in nook at the end with a table and four chairs, where Fred did his studying at night.  The living room had a couch and one chair, with some lamps for light.  The bedroom and bath had very little except the bed and small dresser.  The bathroom was standard with tub/shower, sink and toilet. Very efficient.

Our apartment complex Credit Google Search and Redfin

This apartment was in a fairly large complex, with lots of apartments and students.  We became fast friends with our very next-door neighbors, as the husband was also an Air Force person, studying right along with Fred to become meteorologists.  We have continued that friendship even to this day.

Credit Google Search and SJSU – Meteorology Department

We found a church to join, but later discovered it really wasn’t where God wanted us to be.  We learned a good lesson from that one.  You see, the pastor was an old friend of my Dad’s, and he and his wife practically begged us to join their church.  They could use Fred’s Seminary experience in their Sunday School program. They could use my experience with the piano or organ in the worship services.  And so, we joined.  We knew it would be only for one year, since Fred would be assigned somewhere else following his schooling at SJSC.  But what we learned is that, whenever we moved to a new place, and began searching for a new church home, we would only join a body of believers if we absolutely KNEW that was where God wanted us to be.  And we could tell people from churches who visited us that, no it wasn’t that we didn’t feel God present in their church…just that we didn’t feel that’s where God wanted us to be.

Consequently, we have been quite at home in all the churches we’ve been members of in all our moves.  God has planted us in places where, yes we could be used, but also right where He wanted us.  Sometimes it was for a specific reason that we didn’t realize at the time, but would find it later, frequently after we had left that location.  It’s always best to follow God’s leading.

~~~~~~~~~~To Be Continued~~~~~~~~~~

Judy is living in Central Florida with her retired U.S. Air Force husband of 50+ years. Born in Dallas, Texas, she grew up in the Southwestern United States.She met her husband at their church, where he was attending the university in her town. After college and seminary, he entered the Air Force, and their adventures began.They lived in eight of our United States, and spent six years in Europe, where their oldest daughter was born. She was a stay-at-home mom for many years .

  Judy has always been involved with music, both playing the piano and singing. Always interested in exercise, she was an aerobic dancing instructor, as well as a piano teacher for many years, and continues to faithfully exercise at home.

After moving to Central Florida, she served as a church secretary for nearly nine years.Her main hobby at this point in time is scanning pictures and 35mm slides into the computer. She also enjoys scrapbooking.She and her husband have two married daughters and four grandchildren, including grandtwins as well as a great-grandson. She and her husband enjoy the Disney parks as often as possible.

Five warning signs when finding the right woman (or man)

18 May

Walking by Faith, Not by Sight

Janet Perez Eckles


Reblogged May 18, 2019 With paper towel in hand, Jack wiped the bowl of cereal his two-year-old son spilled on the table. “Stop it,” he screamed grabbing the small hand from splashing in the puddle of milk. “I don’t know if I can handle this.” His plans were never to be a single Dad, juggling work, child care and diapers. What went wrong?

In his own words:

“I never saw it coming. She seemed the perfect gal for me. We had good times. And although we had issues, I was sure when we got married, she would change. I even helped her get out of debt. But she was never happy. And when our son was born, I thought that would be the glue to keep us together. Was I ever wrong! She said motherhood wasn’t her thing. I guess the guy she moved in with offered her more than I did.” Could Jack have prevented the disastrous ending of his marriage? Before walking down the aisle, Jack should’ve seen the red flags. But because he wore the blindfold of romance, the warnings faded into the marriage-will-make-it-all-better deception. But all could have been avoided if Jack had followed these five warning signs when finding the right woman for him. (NOTE: These warning signs can also be applied when women are searching for the right man.)

The 5 Signs

Sign No. 1. She carries insecurity like an over-sized purse everywhere she goes. She’s intimidated by others, making unreasonable accusations, putting undeserved blame on others. Her character displays manipulative tendencies. A woman who is secure in who she is—a daughter of the King, exudes understanding, maturity and conveys humble confidence. If she does not, say good-bye and wait patiently until God brings that jewel into your life. “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” (Proverbs 31:10) Sign No. 2. She’s excessive in her concern about outer appearance. Her fear is not of God, but her fear is failing to keep up with the latest fashion and cosmetic trends. She spends unreasonable amounts of money on her efforts to enhance her outer appearance. Though she may look hot, coldness will eventually wash over the relationship with her distorted order of priorities. Look instead for inner beauty because, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:31) Sign No. 3. She wants you all to herself. The support she offers you is conditional and superficial. She strives to create a distance between you and your family, friends, church commitments and all that’s important to you. You’re caught in a trap: do you please her at the expense of leaving behind what she doesn’t approve of? This dilemma causes disagreements that outnumber pleasant moments in her company. And to appear all is under control, you stuff the stress inside. And should you say “I do” at the altar, you’ll be wishing you didn’t. The standard to measure the ideal wife is this: “Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” (Proverbs 31:11-12) Sign No. 4. Her tendencies are to view the negative of most situations. Her outlook on life reveals a worrisome, complaining and quarreling nature. She says she loves you and has successfully snared you into feeling good about the unhealthy relationship. But feelings are fleeting and vanish, leaving behind grief, stress and regret. The best way to avoid regret is to face the raw truth—a quarrelsome girlfriend turns into a quarrelsome wife. Each dispute should spark this reminder: “A foolish son is his father’s ruin, and a quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping.” (Proverbs 31:13) Although God can, you cannot fix her weaknesses, or transform her behavior. Thus, there’s no time to waste, dump her gently and, look for the woman that you can say: “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.” (Proverbs 31:25) Sign No. 5. She drags a heavy chain of past mistakes. Her choices of yesterday brought consequences that are painful still. But her inability to make good decisions remains alive. She justifies her wrong choices. And when you challenge them, she becomes defensive. Should this relationship continue, the spiritual leader God meant you to be will be relegated to her demands, lack of wisdom and immature whims. Can you say this of the gal you’re with? “She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness.” (Proverbs 31:26) You shouldn’t be idle either, but diligent in asking for patience because, “It is a trap for a man to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider his vows.” Proverbs 20:25 Vow instead to remain single until God has worked in you, pouring wisdom and carving out foolishness. And thus, preparing you to welcome the prudent wife He chose for you. Because… “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the LORD.” (Proverbs 31:14) She will indeed be a present from God. That companion will be the gift who will vow to love you, rich or poor, in sickness and in health. Then you can be sure she was the one who was handpicked by God. And though not perfect, she’ll be prudent, passionately in love with God above all. And patiently accepting you, loving you just the way you are. And in the end, when children come, she’ll be the one to wipe spilled bowls of cereal with a heart of gratitude for her blessings.

Let’s pray

Heavenly Father, my life is in your hands, and my search for the perfect spouse is also in your care. Grant me wisdom not to be led by my emotions but by your divine wisdom. In Jesus name I ask, amen. Janet ______________________________________ Did you know I wrote a book filled with words of encouragement, uplifting thoughts and illustrations of real-life triumph to empower you? Its title, Trials of Today, Treasures for Tomorrow: Overcoming Adversities in Life. You can get it HERE. CLICK HERE for a one-minute inspirational video. Looking for a speaker for your upcoming event? A great speaker makes the difference between a so-so event and one that shines with impact. I invite you to view one of my two-minute videos HERE.   Source: https://janetperezeckles.com/blog/five-warning-signs-when-finding-the-right-woman.html    
Janet Eckles Perez
Some say she should be the last person to be dancing. Her life is summarized in this 3-minute video: http://bit.ly/1a8wGJR Janet Perez Eckles’ story of triumph is marked by her work as an international speaker, #1 best-selling author, radio host, personal success coach and master interpreter. Although blind since 31, her passion is to help you see the best of life. www.janetperezeckles.com

Five signs the person you’re dating is not your future spouse

16 Feb

Walking by Faith, Not by Sight

Janet Perez Eckles


Some months ago, three college friends and I sat in a hotel lounge, chatting about our younger days. “What was I thinking? The signs were all there, telling me he was Mr. Wrong,” one of them said as she sipped her latte. “I didn’t see the red flags ‘cause I was too busy being in love with the idea of being loved.”

“Me too,” my other friend said. “Why didn’t someone write the book on how to find the man of your dreams?”

All four of us chuckled.

We graduated from the same college, lived in the same dorm. And, though none of us would admit that ever so secretly, , we shared a slight restlessness about finding the right man. We attended classes but in that college campus, the temptation to  study the male  population was alive. ,

And in the process, , the search was fun. But at times high expectations ended up in deep disappointment. And other times, the “love” we chased ended up with heartache chasing us instead.

But even with a few scars, we made it through. And now after visiting the ugliness of divorce, we possess a wealth of insight. Most of which comes from experiences lived, episodes endured and lessons learned in the classroom of pain.

How different our lives would have been if we, as single women, had the wisdom to seek God first, and heed these signs.

Sign No. 1: He allows his romance to turn into physical roaming.

And with soothing words, he attempts to invade the boundaries you clearly established more than once. Yet time and time again he insists, whispering he’ll love you forever hoping you’ll give in. Caution: that’s his testosterone talking, not a man of integrity who values and respects you. That’s when Satan goes into action repeating, “You’ll lose him if you don’t give in.” False. You’ll only lose your own integrity and gain the heartache that disobedience brings.

Time to assess: Should you fail in this area, God will forgive when you ask. He will grant you renewed clarity and peace. And with confidence, you can declare: “If I had cherished sin in my heart, the Lord would not have listened; but God has surely listened and heard my voice in prayer.” (Psalm 66:17-18)

Sign No. 2: His sincerity is questionable.

When you speak of your Christian convictions, he agrees with you. When you invite him to visit your church, he goes along. But when you ask him to pray with you, he squirms. Or when discussing deeper issues regarding spirituality, he is ambiguous and distant. Warning: he might be going through the motions to win you over. This red flag needs to fly high reminding you he’s not the spiritual leader, the kind you need should marriage plans appear in the horizon.

Time to assess: Be true to God first and be sincere in your asking for His guidance to identify the strong spiritual leader with sound convictions and good character to be your future husband. Then confidently repeat, “Let me see your kindness to me in the morning, for I am trusting You. Show me where to walk, for my prayer is sincere.” (Psalm 143:8-10, The LB-Paraphrased)

Sign No. 3: Others are warning you.

You think he’s the one because he “makes you feel so good.” But those around you who know you well and whom you respect give you warnings. They point out flaws you overlook because you’re so much “in love” that you’ve become deaf to their wisdom.

Often feelings can be wrong. And emotions can blind one from seeing potential pitfalls.

Time to assess: Your own path to happiness might not be God’s way to bring you lasting joy. Reflect on the advice given, and no matter how well-defined your plans are, welcome wise counsel from those who love you because “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed.” (Proverbs 15:22)

Sign No. 4: Criticism becomes a pattern.

Sometimes you might mistake humility and patience when he is free with harsh criticism toward you and others. But when experiencing this during dating, it might be a sign of potential emotional abuse only to increase after that wedding day.

Time to assess: Because you are the daughter of the King, you mustn’t endure painful words, insensitive treatment or even rudeness. Expect to be treated with upmost respect because you know who you are—the masterpiece in God’s hands as you declare: “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” (Psalm 139:14)

Sign No. 5: He’s in the red.

Although money or finances are not the No. 1 aspect of a relationship, it is the No. 1 reason for divorce. And if marriage is a possibility with the man you’re dating, observe his attitude toward money, his spending habits and his commitment to tithe. Each will give you clues on what to expect should you become his wife. If he’s a creature that flings credit cards at every turn, that’s your clue to dig a little deeper. Otherwise, entering into marriage with debt, money issues and financial troubles will surely have you walking down the aisle toward the altar of disaster.

Time to assess: What does he treasure? What is he storing in his heart? This is the standard by which you must measure him: “… store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” (Matthew 6:20)

Whether you’re 20 or 60 years old, or whether it’s your first date or you’re about to send out wedding invitations, bring your girlfriend with you. Her name is “wisdom.” God’s wisdom will help you answer these two vital questions: Does this man love God more than he loves me? And do his words, actions, attitude, demeanor, dreams and character reflect this conviction?

The answer to these questions will determine whether decades later you’ll be drinking the latte of regret or sipping the fresh water of true happiness.

(The above writing by Janet Perez Eckles was first published by Crosswalk.com)

Let’s Pray

Father, show me the path you need me to take, grant me wisdom to recognize Your guidance and Your plans. In Jesus name. Amen.

What is God showing you during your  current relationship?



Did you know I wrote a book filled with words of encouragement, uplifting thoughts and illustrations of real-life triumph to empower you? Its title, Trials of Today, Treasures for Tomorrow: Overcoming Adversities in Life. You can get it HERE.

CLICK HERE for a one-minute inspirational video.

Looking for a speaker for your upcoming event? A great speaker makes the difference between a so-so event and one that shines with impact. I invite you to view one of my two-minute videos HERE.

Please share: Feel free to share Janet’s posts with your friends.

Source: https://janetperezeckles.com/blog/five-signs-the-person-youre-dating-is-not-your-future-spouse.html




Janet Eckles Perez

Some say she should be the last person to be dancing. Her life is summarized in this 3-minute video: http://bit.ly/1a8wGJR

Janet Perez Eckles’ story of triumph is marked by her work as an international speaker, #1 best-selling author, radio host, personal success coach and master interpreter. Although blind since 31, her passion is to help you see the best of life.


A Knocking Around Day

31 Jan

On the Porch

Onisha Ellis


Tuesday my husband and I took a day trip. The original plan was for my husband to go alone as he was planning to visit a “toy store” that I had no interest in and he didn’t want to feel hurried if I were waiting on him.  I was happy to have a day alone to accomplish some projects of my own.

Tuesday morning he must have begun to regret his decision to go alone as he started asking me if I wanted to go with him. After some back and forth (You know what I am talking about…Do you want to go, do you want me to go…blah, blah) Finally I said “Just say what you are thinking, not what you think I want to hear.” Grrr!

Turned out he wanted me to go and didn’t want me to go. (Surprised?)  He wanted me to go because he was hoping to visit a surplus store and wasn’t sure he could find it on his own. (I KNEW there was a reason for him changing his mind. Ha!)

We hit the road, driving north with Ormond Beach as our ultimate goal.



Since he had sold this adventure as a “knocking around” kind of day, I took my camera. Unfortunately I didn’t find any photo opportunities but I kept my eyes open for interesting shopping opportunities.



In Daytona I spotted a Sears Outlet center as we drove past it.  Husband asked if I wanted to go back and of course, I said yes. That is what you do when you are knocking around. The store was very meh. But at least we had checked it out. The surplus store was a miss as it was no longer in business.

I was impressed when we arrived at his toy store. It was larger than I had imagined. It’s previous location had been rather small. I had planned to wait in the car and listen to a book but needed a bathroom break. As we walked in I spotted a sitting area with soft couches and chairs, much like major outdoor stores have. Perfect! I told him to shop to his heart’s content. I was listening to a library book that would be whisked off of my phone in 15 hours and I wanted to finish it.

As I sat there, I noted how many nice looking men came through the doors. I sent a text to my single daughter with a Gif of “It’s raining men.” My husband finished looking around sooner than I expected. He did more than look as he had a shopping bag in his hand. When we were back in the car, he couldn’t wait to show his purchase to me and I did the appropriate ooohs and aaaahs. I was glad he found what he had been looking for and at a good price.

It was a good day We had lunch at Steak n Shake. Back in the previous century when we were dating, cruising through “Steak” in your hot car was the thing. Now days we’re more into the milk shakes. Except we didn’t have half price shakes because we are now eating a low carb diet. I felt very virtuous. LOL. I’m glad I went with him. It’s nice to knock around together, just the two of us. With the visit to Steak n Shake it was almost like dating again.




I almost forgot, here is the video I created for this past Sunday’s message. I am in love with vintage graphics. I don’t think the photo with the cross was photoshopped. The photographer mentioned it was a long shutter and luck with positioning.






I'm a winnerAfter my retirement, I decided to re-learn the canning and preserving skills I learned from my mother but hadn’t practiced for twenty years. I titled the blog Old Things R New to chronicle my experience.  Since then I have been blessed to have six other bloggers join me, DiVoran Lites, Bill Lites,  Judy Wills, Louise Gibson, Janet Perez Eckles and Melody Hendrix

In addition to blogging, I work as the publicist/marketer/ amateur editor and general  “mom Friday” for my author daughter, Rebekah Lyn. I also manage her website, Rebekah Lyn Books  where we frequently host the best in up and coming authors.

My 2019 goal is to use my love of photographs and words to be an encourager on social media. You can visit Real Life Books and Media You Tube Channel if you would like to view some of the mini-videos I have created for our church, Gateway Community in Titusville, Fl.


Side by Side

28 Jan

My Take

DiVoran Lites



“Oh we ain’t got a barrel of money, maybe we’re ragged and funny,

but we travel the road sharing the load, side by side.”*


Bill and I have been married sixty-two years. Of course,we’ve had bad times, mad times, and glad times. But we are in the happiest part of our lives still traveling the road and sharing our load.

The road, however, is a bit rocky while we wait for Bill to get his shoulder replacement surgery. When he gets it, it will be the best shoulder replacement the world has ever known, but getting to it is an uphill battle.

The patient has already had four shoulder surgeries, but this is the big one, the titanium one where he’ll be able to put his shirt on himself and take out the trash as he used to do. Meanwhile, Bill has been in a great deal of pain and been unable to sleep.

I asked him not to do that scary pain-breathing sound that makes my blood pressure go up. He tried, but one night he was so stalled that we were both awake for hours. Finally, around 3 a. m. we had some cookies and herb tea and were able to go back to sleep. The next day we made a trip to the emergency room at Advent in Orlando 35 miles away because the hospital here isn’t aware of Bill’s issues. The whole trip took seven hours, but at the end of it, we had our dope and Bill’s pain had decreased. That lasted for about a week, but then we got close to running out and made the Big City drive again. The third time we went we had an appointment with the doctor and for a number of excellent reasons he refused to give us any more oxycodone or Percocet. Suddenly we were desperate.

The only thing the doctor could recommend was a pain clinic. We asked our rehab guy (from last year’s surgery) to recommend one in town but he couldn’t. We might have gone to another town, but when I talked to a friend (who works in the medical field) she told me about an operating room nurse we know who could die if she takes opioids. As it happens the nurse came to a place where she needed an operation on her shoulder. Finally, she found a way to use essential oils to make a “Morphine Bomb.” No opiates and no side effects. We called her, and she helped us make this amazing natural pain reliever. Now, all we have to do is wait a week or so for the surgery.

We are ready, but the doctor has a ways to go. He is a world-famous inventor of parts for joints. We did all the tests except the last one which has to wait. We were not afraid of the surgery but looking forward to the ownership of a brand new shoulder. We have, however, waited for one month already and have another month to go. The reason forthe hold-up is reasonable. I wish I could explain it better, but first,the doctor needs the best CT scan available. He has one now. He will make a 3-D model and if all is perfect he’ll get the parts put together. If it is not perfect we could wait another four weeks for a CT scan and the building of a custom implant.

At least Bill can drive now that he’s off the dope. We got a hospital bed in order to relieve the pressure on his shoulders (the other one hurts too).

So here we are side by side not only in waiting and pain, not only for surgery and rehab…but forever. The Bible says there is no marriage in heaven, but somehow I know that when we get there we will experience more love and oneness with others and in Christ than we can imagine our Christian spouses among them.


It’s better to have a partner than go it alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there’s no one to help, tough!

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Msg.



*“Side by Side,” Dean Martin and Jerry Lewis






Author, Poet and Artist
DiVoran has been writing for most of her life. Her first attempt at a story was when she was seven years old and her mother got a new typewriter. DiVoran got to use it and when her dad saw her writing he asked what she was writing about. DiVoran answered that she was writing the story of her life. Her dad’s only comment was, “Well, it’s going to be a very short story.” After most of a lifetime of writing and helping other writers, DiVoran finally launched her own dream which was to write a novel of her own. She now has her Florida Springs trilogy and her novel, a Christian Western Romance, Go West available on Amazon. When speaking about her road to publication, she gives thanks to the Lord for all the people who helped her grow and learn.  She says, “I could never have done it by myself, but when I got going everything fell beautifully into place, and I was glad I had started on my dream.”

Faster Weeks, Slower Me

19 May

On the Porch

Onisha Ellis

I'm a winner

I mistakenly believed that once I retired life would slow down and weeks would not fly by faster than a comet. It seems the only slowing down that has occurred is me. Maybe since it takes me longer to accomplish tasks, that is why it feels that weeks are zooming along.

On Monday the husband and I went to work on the slide area in our yard. The  county Soil and Water department suggested we replant the area with tall Fescue grass. We decided to fertilize, amend with lime and re-seed the entire yard. My husband used the garden tiller to break up the grassed areas that had become particularly bare and hard. After that we put out lime, then fertilizer and seed. My job was to gently rake the tilled area to spread some soil over the seeds. We have no idea if that is what one does when seeding clay soil. Growing grass in Florida is totally different. Finally we spread wheat straw and watered everything. I am NOT a fan of yard work, but the day was beautiful with a gentle cool breeze and I enjoyed it.

Tuesday was an interesting day. The charging port on my husband’s phone stopped working and my do-it-yourself man decided he could change it out. He is pretty sharp at fixing things but this one almost defeated him. Ten tiny screws had to be removed to change the port. No problem, Spilling the screws and losing one, now that is a problem. After an hour of searching, he put the phone together without the screw. It powered up and he was able to place a call. Yea! Except he could not hear me talking to him. So, tear the phone apart again. The missing screw had not appeared but being a problem solving kind of guy, he remembered that his old phone was the same brand as his current one. He pirated the old one for a replacement screw, put the phone back together and now it charges and has sound. Problem solved.

BREAKING NEWS UPDATE: Missing screw found! We are cleaning house for company and removed rug and furniture from the room of the lost screw. Handy husband pushed all the debris into a pile and used his flashlight to illuminate the screw. Now to save it or not to save it.

Wednesday started off well. We had breakfast with friends then spent the rest of the morning running errands. Somewhere along the way, my energy drained away and my mood slipped lower than the thermometer on a Ontario winter day. I decided to hibernate.

After a good night’s sleep and some motivational musing, today is looking up. I am not the center of the universe. That job belongs to someone far above me. My job is to keep looking up.

Cherry Blossoms on tree.


Ten tips to make your marriage sizzle with love.

13 Feb

Walking by Faith, Not by Sight

Janet Perez Eckles

Janet Eckles Perez


When I was 23 and said “I do” to my hubby; I had no clue what I was saying. When I committed to love him no matter what, I didn’t expect my selfish ways to be a problem. And when I vowed to cherish him, sometimes I asked myself what in the world that meant.

Then something happened. Something that shook me, slapped my senses and that’s when our relationship began to glow.

All began when……adversity visited our marriage. Blame flew all over our arguments, hardships threatened to divide us, and heartache zapped our romance.

Then God intervened. We both turned to him. Admitting our frailty and foolishness, we placed it all before Him. With desperate hearts, we both looked up at Him, His instructions, His guidance, and His wisdom. Then with His brush of love, He painted strokes of restoration, healing, and strength.

And when we recently celebrated our 40th anniversary, I reflected on what keeps us in love, cherishing each other and expecting another 40 years.

Here are the 10 tips to make your marriage glow no matter what you’re facing:

  1. Forgive the small stuff, talk about the big stuff, and forgive that, too.
  2. As often as possible, bring to mind your spouse’s strengths.
  3. Praise your spouse before others. A compliment in private is encouraging. Praise before others is transforming.
  4. Never try to change your spouse. Find what needs to change in you instead.
  5. Make memories by planning moments together.
  6. Surprise each other with a kind gesture.
  7. Write your feelings of love rather than just saying them.
  8. Physical contact is good for the heart. Make sure to give a hug, a loving tap, a squeeze of the arm, a peck, etc. Do this at least eight times a day (proven to be a powerful habit that keeps blood pressure down).
  9. When discussing difficult concerns, avoid blame; instead express how you feel inside.
  10. Express gratitude often, and even for little things.

A marriage is a sailboat; we are in control of the sail, determining where it goes.


Be sure to visit Janet’s blog to read more: Ten tips to make your marriage sizzle with love. | Janet Perez Eckles

The missing rings~Part 1

20 Jul

My Take

DiVoran Lites

Author, Poet and ArtistIf you’ve ever had anything stolen, you have probably experienced the emotions and imaginations that plague victims everywhere. I always kept my engagement and wedding ring (which had been fused together by a jeweler fifty-seven years ago) on the top of my dresser on a solid glass ring holder along with a dinner ring left to me by Bill’s mother. The rings had a history together. Bill’s aunt gave him the diamonds for my rings when he wanted to get engaged. Later Bill’s mother wanted new rings and asked if I’d mind if she had hers made like mine, only in yellow gold. I didn’t mind. We didn’t even live in the same town any more. After Bill’s dad died, his mother again changed rings, only this time, she took the diamonds from her engagement and wedding rings and had them made into a beautiful dinner ring. When she went home to Heaven she left them to me. I’d been wearing both for many years, but only wore them when I went out so that they didn’t get in my way when I cooked, typed, or washed my hands.

One day, I was rushing to go somewhere on time and because the rings were always the last thing I put on, I reached for them. They weren’t there, but Bill’s wedding ring, which I sometimes wear was. I thought I recalled hearing something fall down behind the dresser, so I knew they were safe. I put Bill’s ring on and left. I figured I would find them later. Better yet, I would wait until somebody big, strong, and younger than us came over and could move the dresser. Bill has shoulder issues and my chiropractor doesn’t want me scooting heavy things.

That day I was having lunch with my daughter, but I decided not to tell her about the rings because I’d soon have them in hand and there was no need to worry her. It took several days before I even told Bill. The next morning while I was out for my walk he moved the dresser to look for them. They weren’t there. I moved the dresser myself to look for them, which was not too smart.

I then started looking in earnest. I looked all through the house, went through the dresser drawers. They needed to be organized, anyway. I looked through my few purses, checked every pocket of every garment I own, and thoroughly searched the car. No rings anywhere.

wedding-ring on satin jpg

I Never Met a Pizza I Didn’t Like

15 Sep

My Take

DiVoran Lites


Author, Poet and ArtistTo celebrate our 57th wedding anniversary, Bill and I went out for pizza. Mama Rosa’s, where we had planned go, was closed for vacation so we schlepped on down to Kelsey’s in Port St. John. We had already celebrated twice, having normally scheduled meals with family members and calling them celebrations, but this was the real thing on the real day.

Bill took me for my first pizza when I was eighteen years old. The restaurant was on Central Blvd in Albuquerque. It was also where he took me for my first lobster. Then when he decided to ask for my hand in marriage he took me there again. I liked lobster fine, and I liked the T-bone steaks at a small diner where they only cost $2.00 a plate, but the love of pizza stayed with me for the rest of my life (so far.)

We did get married and our first month in California where Bill was going to school, we spent every penny we had with barely enough to pay the rent. We didn’t even have money for food. I think we spent it on movies or something equally frivolous. Anyhow, Bill’s friend drove out from New Mexico to visit and our mothers sent care packages. They knew we’d developed a passion for pizza so between them they sent five boxes of Appian Way pizza mix and a pizza pan to bake them on. We got by.

Later when I had a job with Magic Mirror Beauty Salons and Bill worked part time cleaning airplanes our favorite pizza palace was Sir pizza. I’d stop there after a hard Saturday on my feet, get a pizza with everything (except anchovies and green peppers), stop at Thrifty Mart for a bottle of Thunderbird, and we’d spend our Saturday evening watching our tiny black and white T. V. and munching away at our pizza. We loved the cowboy shows such as, “Rawhide,” and “Wagon Train,” and it was a lovely thing to look forward as we went to work Saturday morning. “See ya later, alligator, after while, crocodile.”

We started out eating a whole small pizza between us, but now all we can manage is half, which is great because that means we can stick it in the oven for fifteen minutes the next day and enjoy it all over again.

Listen, the reason we both look kind of funny in this picture is that I asked a man who was in front of us in the paying line to take the picture and he wasn’t sure what he was doing and he took one and it didn’t flash and Bill said take another one and we were both wondering whether he was going to be able to manage it or not. You can see we weren’t overly anxious, but then again who had time to smile with all that going on. We really did enjoy ourselves and are planning many more pizza times to come. We’ll try Mama Rosa’s again on my seventy-sixth birthday which is coming up soon. Y’all come. (You see we live in the South now, so I’ve taken on Southern talk.)




Time is Going By Fast

19 May


My Take

DiVoran Lites


I’m surviving Bill’s being gone surprisingly well. I’ve only had a couple of moments of wondering what to do with myself. As you know, I enjoy solitude and I love being at home. I’m getting some blogs done and perhaps a bit of de-cluttering, though that isn’t going as I hoped, but who cares?

2Bill’s having fun too. He calls each night and gives me a report of his day’s doings and plans for the next day. It’s cooler in California than it is here, he layers his long sleeved shirt and his jacket. He’s taking notes for his blogs, so we can look forward to hearing all about his adventures.

Jacob is in Japan. He’s having a good time. He’s sending blogs and Face Book entries, though I’m not sure I’m either catching them all OR replying so that he hears back. His mother says the blogs make her laugh and cry. We may be extraordinarily well disposed toward Jacob, but we think he’s an excellent writer with a gift for humor.

Bill will be home on the 16th. By Thursday he had listened to unabridged books on his car C. D. At this rate the seven he took with him in especially purchased holders won’t last. Maybe he’ll get some music on the radio now that he’s near big cities in California and that will make his CDs last longer. He has developed a fondness for classical music. I’m not surprised, though I know he’ll always love Herb Alpert, Jackie Gleason, and Chet Atkins. He has such a good ear for music that when he started to take violin lessons as a child he could play by ear—that is until he fell out of a tree and broke his wrist. Did he really hate practicing that much?

The time is going by fast. I may “let” him go for this long again, though on the way to the airport I told him I wished he’d cut back to seven days. Neither of us has changed since we were eighteen. I always preferred a book, and he always preferred to be on the move. It’s wonderful that at this time of our lives we can pursue our passions while still having good times when we are together.





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