Airline Mechanic Maintenance Responses

SUNDAY MEMORIES

Judy Wills

Some years ago I saw this somewhere, and it really tickled my funny bone. See if it appeals to you, as well:

UPS Airlines [I’m assuming this is United Parcel Service aircraft]

Courtesy Google search and UPS website

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane, but only a high school diploma to fix one; a reassurance to those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a ‘gripe sheet,’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.  The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. 

Courtesy Google Search and Ya-webdesign

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ‘ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

P:    Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S:    Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P:    Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S:    Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P:    Something loose in cockpit

S:    Something tightened in cockpit

P:    Dead bugs on windshield.

S:    Live bugs on back-order.

P:    Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent 

S:    Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P:    Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S:    Evidence removed.

P:    DME volume unbelievably loud.

S:    DME volume set to more believable level.

P:    Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S:    That’s what friction locks are for.

P:    IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S:    IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P:    Suspected crack in windshield.

S:    Suspect you’re right.

P:    Number 3 engine missing.

S:    Engine found on right wing after brief search

P:    Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)

S:    Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P:    Target radar hums.

S:    Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P:    Mouse in cockpit.

S:    Cat installed.

And the best one for last

P:    Noise coming from under instrument panel.  Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

S:    Took hammer away from midget.

Courtesy Google Search and Clipartbay.com

Judy is living in Central Florida with her retired U.S. Air Force husband of 50+ years. Born in Dallas, Texas, she grew up in the Southwestern United States.She met her husband at their church, where he was attending the university in her town. After college and seminary, he entered the Air Force, and their adventures began.They lived in eight of our United States, and spent six years in Europe, where their oldest daughter was born. She was a stay-at-home mom for many years .

  Judy has always been involved with music, both playing the piano and singing. Always interested in exercise, she was an aerobic dancing instructor, as well as a piano teacher for many years, and continues to faithfully exercise at home.

After moving to Central Florida, she served as a church secretary for nearly nine years.Her main hobby at this point in time is scanning pictures and 35mm slides into the computer. She also enjoys scrapbooking.She and her husband have two married daughters and four grandchildren, including grandtwins as well as a great-grandson. She and her husband enjoy the Disney parks as often as possible.

Tags: Humor