Jazz Song

My Take

DiVoran Lites

Listening to jazz on Pandora I heard, “A good gal (or a good guy) nowadays is hard to find, you always get the other kind.” But did the jazz masters get it right? Well, maybe yes and maybe no.

For a wedding gift my best friend gave us a plaque with two Amish people facing each other with their hands behind their backs kissing chastely. The plaque said, “Kissin’ don’t last, cookin’ do.” I’ve thought about that a lot over the years. Thank heavens we two old codgers are still kissing, but there are some things in our relationship that may last longer and matter more in the end.

First, of course you have to have real, true love or a good potential for it. Then you both have to have a similar sense of humor. One night when Bill and I were two teens out for on date, we got to giggling and couldn’t stop. That was when I began to suspect he was the guy for me.

You need to be able to talk to each other for a long time about more subjects than cars and whether your bathing suit makes you look fat.

You need a common sense of values. The Bible says, “Be not unequally yoked.” What that means is that the more your backgrounds are alike the better chance your marriage will have. If you’re a Christian you’re far wiser to marry a Christian from the start. People don’t change nearly as often as we think they do.

Look for mutual courtesy, plain old please and thank you, with some genuine apologies thrown in when needed. I love you always goes down well, and in some ways is the greatest courtesy of all.

Now a few don’ts: Don’t marry anyone who is full of bitterness or self-pity. Complaining is your first clue. They may wrench your heart and they may have you convinced they can’t live without you. They make you think you’re the only one who can help. Nope, it doesn’t work that well. You’ll discover that if you don’t fall for it they’ll replace you in a trice. Try it if you don’t believe me.

We know to avoid active substance abusers. They might get well someday, but we’re more likely to become enablers than we are to see them heal.

It helps if two people have compatible views on earning, saving, paying, giving. Money is a big marriage buster, but you can get a lot of good out of it if you know how to handle it.

So that’s it. Perhaps a good mate is hard to find, but it’s not true that you  ALWAYS get the other kind.

Tags: Jazz, Marriage, Religion and Spirituality