I am Weary
On the Porch
Onisha Ellis
I’ve been in a bit of a slump. I checked past posts and saw that I haven’t written anything since June 16, when we were back home in the mountains.
In a normal time, we would be firmly ensconced for the summer and fall and welcoming houseguests. But these aren’t normal times. Two weeks was not enough! We returned to Florida for my husband to have a scheduled surgery.
It’s really hot here. I think I have had trouble adjusting from open windows and cool mornings on the porch to sweltering heat and non-stop air-conditioning. (Having spent my entire life in Florida, one would think I would be accustomed to it.) Or maybe I am simply Covid weary.
I am weary of people being angry and the great mask debate. I am weary of worrying about the people who are out of work. I am weary of wondering how our economy can possibly survive this massive shut down. I am weary of the isolation which draws me deeper into my usual introvert state.
And I am weary of trying to decide if our planned road trip needs to be cancelled. That sounds trite. I know. We had a health scare with my husband last week. He is fine now, but we really wanted to do this trip while he is able.
Yet in the midst of the weariness, I am thankful and blessed.
I am thankful for my friend, Pam, whose indomitable spirit and gift for chatter lifted my spirits this week. I am thankful for my friend and mentor, DiVoran, who understands my unsociable state and loves me still.
I am thankful my husband is doing well, his surgery is rescheduled and we may be able to return to the mountains in a few weeks. And I am thankful our daughter, who works from home has time off to visit with a friend for the weekend. She badly needed the break.
Most of all I am thankful for my faith in God that sustains me when I walk through shadows and teaches my heart to trust in Him. I read Psalm 57:1 this week, written by David when he fled from Saul into the cave. I especially related to the last two lines.
Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me!
For my soul trusts in You;
And in the shadow of Your wings I will make my refuge,
Until these calamities have passed by.
In a morning meditation I remembered an old hymn my Depression era parents would sing. I looked it up on You Tube and found this one by a group called Grace Thrillers from 6 years ago. Beautiful and I like that the video showcases scripture rather than images of the singers.
Wishing our American readers a happy, healthy and blessed 4th of July. It’s a special day for our family, my mother’s birthday. She loved her dog Max, and Krispy Kreme doughnuts!
Old Things R New 
I agree with you that sometimes quiet is good. God speaks to us in the solitude.Thankful that He can turn our sorrows into joy but this sure has been a difficult time. I am trusting that humor and joy will return.
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I so understand your weariness. It’s the world-wide epidemic not enough people are talking about. Bearing one another’s burdens is harder when you are isolated. Thanks be to God who has all things under control no matter how they look. I, too, have had trouble blogging. I write a humor blog and let me tell you, things aren’t too funny right now – as you know. I am determined not to share dark humor with readers. Sometimes quiet is good. Blessing to you and your husband. Hope you get to make your road trip.
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Weary is a word I can associate with. You are not alone, Onisha, there are millions of us.
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It gives new meaning to world weary.
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Weary is the word resounding in my heart this week. The first line of the Selah song “You Lift me Up” has been playing through my mind, reminding me that God will lift me up when my soul is weary. Thankful for that reminder.
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He does lift us up!
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What a beautiful and blessed post, my dear friend.
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